Answering the Call to Create My Own Version of a Mother
When I first got pregnant, I felt super awkward to say the least. The best way to describe it is...
"I felt like a pregnant wounded little girl, and not a pregnant woman in her feminine essence."
That feeling came accompanied with low self-worth, a boat-load of anxiety and the constant questioning of whether I was fit for the role of motherhood. I spent a lot of time in that dark place, with the occasional fleeting moments of feeling confident in myself.
It wasn't until my second trimester that things started shifting.
It was on the Sagittarius full moon of May 29th, and I just know with my whole being that the planets' alignment had something to do with my epiphany.
As I was getting ready in front of my bathroom mirror, my thoughts were sifting through the meaning of a life's purpose and what I had accomplished thus far. I was putting so much pressure on myself to be someone that I thought the world wanted me to be. Suddenly, I looked at my reflection and asked, "What do YOU want? Not what other people expect of you or what you think other people expect of you, but what does YOUR heart truly want?"
My answer:
"I just want to be an amazing and nurturing mom."
In that moment, my heart felt full, and it made me wonder, perhaps a Life's Purpose is something as simple and fulfilling as being someone's extraordinary mother.
Yet, I knew that before I could step into that role, I would first need to learn how to mother myself.
Initially, I had no idea what "mother yourself first" meant. I didn't know where or how to begin, but I knew that all the wisdom I would need for this journey was being held within.
I'd like to share my journey with you in a way that may benefit you, so I have included my own set of "self-reflection" questions that I still use on a daily basis.
Begin by taking yourself to a time (present or past) when you were struggling emotionally, mentally or physically and ask yourself these questions:
In what ways would I have wanted my mother to show up for me?
What would I have wanted her to say in that moment?
Now switch it up...
In what ways do I want to show up for myself?
What are the thought patterns & behaviors that don't fit with who I am becoming?
And in what ways do I want to show up as a mother for my child?
These questions may not be answered right away, and your answers may change over time. You may even find that you come up with your own set of self-reflection questions. Even better.
Pregnancy & motherhood are a time for you to evolve as a woman and as a mother, and these questions are there as guideposts as you create your own template.
As I continue to create my own version of being a mother, I have come to appreciate many aspects of mothering oneself.
Mothering yourself is about embracing all of you, no matter what situation you're in. It's about cultivating an unconditional love for yourself. It's about being easy on yourself, even when you're usual process might be to beat yourself up. It's willing to comfort yourself with the utmost compassion.
It's about going with the flow and trusting your intuition, especially when it seems like it's the only thing you have.
But mothering yourself is also about being confident and standing tall in your divine feminine nature. It's knowing when and where to draw the line (healthy boundaries), and it is releasing any need to control or perfect things.
I never thought I would ever say this,
but today I have so much gratitude for losing my mother at the age of 9. It has challenged me and continues to challenge me in so many ways. Yet, I can see that it has given me the opportunity to empower myself and tune into my own inner wisdom, so that I can become my own best version of a mother, firstly to myself and then to my child.
It is an evolution that is never-ending, because there will always be something new to learn. As women, we all possess the divine mother within us. Call upon that wisdom to help you create your unique, gentle yet powerful version of a mother.
I'd love to hear about your experience! Feel free to comment below.