Surrendering the need for Control

Control is an illusion of power. Whether it is control of your circumstances or control over another, we are actually facing life with resistance. The desire to control keeps us in our thinking mind and out of our hearts. 

When my mom left this world, control became my number one coping mechanism. If I could control what was happening around me, then I would feel totally safe. I basically developed a relationship with control, because it gave me a sense of peace. It protected me. 

As I got older, I began to notice how control no longer played a beneficial role in my life, and let me tell you, control wears many disguises. As a professional "control freak," I was baffled by the many different ways control would creep up without me being fully aware. One of the major ways it showed up in my life was through my relationship with food. I would control what I ate, and in turn control what my husband ate. I began to project all my control issues on the one closest to me. 

In that state of mind, my fear of losing control (my safety net) was so strong that I didn't realized how much I was hurting the one I love. He would open the fridge, and my body would just tense up. The thought of not being able to control him made me panic, and sometimes break down in tears. 

But you see, this is where I had to get real with myself. I saw a need to look within to uncover the real reason for this obsessive type of behavior. I had truly reached a point of self-exhaustion, and I wanted nothing more than to be free from this belief I held deep in my system, because deep down I knew that this wasn't who I was.

On one end of the spectrum, control is a way of saying NO to life. It is a way of avoiding the unknown. Yet, as I mentioned earlier, it is an illusion of power. For those of us that thrive on control, we are thriving on an empty sense of safety. We never feel fully fulfilled, because we are always on the look out for the next best thing to control. The real power lies within us. The real power lies in surrendering to the natural flow of life. Power over another or the desire to have power over our external circumstances can be replaced by tapping into our own core, a place where we are always safe. 

So the next time you find yourself in the heat of wanting to control someone or a situation, I invite you to ask yourself these questions, and try to be as radically honest as you can. 

• Is control really going to give me a LASTING sense of inner peace?

• How do I REALLY want to feel?

• What can I do (or not do) to reach this feeling? 

Be easy on yourself. The road to letting go is not always smooth, so be gentle with yourself along the way. We are all in it together. 

Love,

A.L.L