Healing the Mother Wound
The other day I was talking to my friend about the Mother Wound and describing these intense emotions I had been feeling. I sent her a text asking, “Have you been feeling extra crazy these past couple days?” And she responded with the “100%” emoji.
That was the beginning of an insightful conversation about healing the Mother Wound.
In the days leading up to our chat, I was feeling extremely emotional. I was having some spiraling, dark thoughts, and there were moments when I felt like I was literally losing my mind. I was easily triggered by just the slightest thing my husband did, and I kept blaming him for the way I was feeling.
This is an emotional pattern I know all too well. I do a great job at convincing myself that I have looked at all my demons, and that there is nothing left to look at. Well, not this time.
I felt a strong pull to get up close and personal with my Mother Wound, and when I did, something in me shifted.
What is the Mother Wound? How does it show up in your life?
The relationship with our mother is the foundational relationship in our development. When that relationship is dysfunctional in some way, this can create a build up of unresolved emotions and conditioning that affect your life in different ways. The same is true for the Father Wound, but that’s a topic for another day.
The Mother Wound may not look or feel the same for everyone, because each mother-child relationship is entirely unique.
Perhaps your mother was absent, emotionally unavailable or abusive
Perhaps she was strict, controlling, had high expectations or was overbearing
Or maybe she passed away or committed suicide
Whatever the case may be, you may have found or find yourself struggling in the following ways:
Feeling undeserving of love or joy
Struggling to express your authentic voice
Feeling like you have no strong sense of who you are
Anxiety & Depression
Feeling powerless over your emotions
OCD Behavior
Feeling disempowered and making yourself small
Struggling to move forward in life
Eating disorders
Sexual/intimacy problems
Having perfectionist standards and a loud self-critical voice
Self-Sabotaging tendencies and low self-worth
Lack of self-confidence and seeking others approval
Not trusting your Intuition and looking to others for answers
Constantly comparing yourself to other women
Feeling that you are not good enough or have nothing to offer
Struggling to express your creativity
My mother took her own life when I was 9, and these are all things I have struggled with and continue to work on. I find the wound even more pronounced after giving birth to my son. Perhaps it is entering motherhood that awakens the wound for further recognition and healing.
I have come to realize that the fear of the wound is greater than the wound itself. Once you allow yourself to really be in the middle of your pain and accept that it exists, the emotional charge dissipates, and the wound begins to lose power over you.
You will be uncomfortable, and at times, you may even feel like you physically cannot be in your body.
Stay with it.
Healing the Mother Wound takes time. It’s an opportunity to nurture yourself in ways you maybe did not receive as a child or even as an adult.
Know that your pain is real, but also know that it does not OWN you. You are not your mother, nor are you any of the mother figures you may have had along the way.
The wound is yours to heal but NOT to keep.
This is great inner work that not only benefits you but the ancestors that came before you and the generations to come.
Remember this: It is always up to you to be aware of how you choose to respond to a triggered situation.
You get to choose what you give your power to.
I came to realize that nobody is going to save me but myself, and that feeling like a victim will always keep me from seeing the gift in my wound. For it is through feeling my pain that I embark on my wildest journey of self-discovery and inner freedom. I get the gift of redefining myself.
My hope is to inspire you to find the gift in your Mother Wound.
You may feel overwhelmed by the wound, and you may think that you are too damaged. You may not know where to start, because there is too much to heal.
In healing the Mother Wound, we need to be patient with ourselves.
You are not too damaged. There is no such thing.
As I told my friend at the end of our conversation, “It’s a jumbled mess for sure, but compassion for ourselves will get us there.”
Continue practicing patience and compassion for yourself as you allow yourself to visit the darkest parts of your heart and mind. Beyond your wound is this amazing, whole and authentic woman waiting to be discovered.